Toilet Humor

Will somebody tell me how to use this? :-)

This is what we can call Twin Sharing... Good for mommies like moi whose kids still follow them in the loo. It's actually great news, close to a breakthrough--- a very considerate although embarrassing execution of an idea that has actually been in many mothers' heads for so long. Now, if the little tot has to go the same time I have to, no problem. Neither of us will have to sport that "wet look", after all, it's no longer the 80's.

This one for the Nobel Prize for inventions. (Is there even such thing?)

Dance, not sing, in the shower

My little princess hasn't outgrown bathing with her Mommy. I should be weaning her away from this habit but it scares me that she is five, and her every move is a dance step. As I've said in my other blog, I am "nanay ni Shakira" (mother of Shakira).

To compromise her vice of sudden sharp movements, I decided to teach her slower but still dance-able songs like the one below.

My Li'l Girl's Bath Song

F I R E (Babyface & Des'ree)

You're riding in my car
I turn on the radio
I'm pulling you closer
But you keep tellin' me no
You say you don't like it
But I know you're a liar'
Cause when we kiss
Ooh...Fire

Late at night
You're taking me home
You say you wanna stay
But I want you to go
Say I don't love you
But you know I'm a liar
'Cause when we kiss
Ooh...Fire

You had a hold on me right from the start
A grip so tight I couldn't tear it apart
My nerves all jumpin' actin' like a fool
Well my kisses might burn
But my heart stays cool
Well Romeo and Juliet
Samson and Delilah
Baby you can bet
They were burnin' with desire
If I say split
Then I know that I'd be lying
'Cause when we kiss
Ooh...Fire

When we kissI
'm on fire
Your tenderness
Gives me desire
I can't resist
Your tender lips
When we kiss
Ooh...Fire

Are We There Yet?

You've probably seen a countdown on teevee, or overheard party plans at your workplace. Maybe your kid is planning her list 'cuz Santa's done with his?

You probably found that big box of Christmas lights that you swore NOT to put up this year because it's just too damn expensive... but you will, just wait and see.

What about the experiment of giving away group presents instead of individual? Are you sure??? Do you want your kid to receive a gift pack saying "To the little one and the whole family"--- and then discover a wall clock inside??? Don't you find that quite mean?

Sometimes, you still don't know what to expect for the holidays. And that's what makes it so freaking fun.

HIGH HOPES

(Writers: Cahn / Van Heusen)Frank Sinatra

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around
Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant
But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes
So any time your gettin' low 'stead of lettin' go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant
When troubles call, and your back's to the wall
There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall
Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin' that dam
'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes
So any time your feelin' bad 'stead of feelin' sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam
All problems just a toy balloon
They'll be bursted soon
They're just bound to go pop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

Snooze Blues

Sleep complicates life. I want my baby Olinger to sleep because he needs it. I want him to sleep so I can sleep, too.

But when he's asleep, I want him to wake up because he's just so-o-o-o adorable with is googly eyes wide open, staring at me as if I were the most fascinating thing on earth! I want him awake because those little sounds he makes--- the aaahs and coos and intermittent, manly grunts--- they make bigger smiles than those wheezing sounds he makes in his sleep... yes, a sign that he got my snoring.

Aaargh! Can't get my hands off him. I'm tired of watching over his bassinet. I'll go wake him up now.

Song Time!

Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird...

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring...

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass...

And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat...

And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull...

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover...

And if that dog named Rover won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart...

And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Push for giggling action

Scold Till They Cry, Spank Till They Bruise

One of my best buds, a fellow mom, posted in her blog the worry of not being able to love her child enough. Valid consideration, definitely. But we must also be aware of its opposite--- loving our children too much, for there is such a thing.

I have heard of children taking advantage of their parents: stealing money, intentionally lambasting them, even mauling them for any doggone reason. In the end, should it come to a bitter one, the parents still take the blame for spoiling the children.

They say, "That's how kids are. Let kids be kids. They'll outgrow this childishness. We were all like them before." God forbid we grew up stealing money when we could have just asked for it. Wanting to crush the feelings of our parents because we didn't get our way--- I hope we were also remorseful after. But becoming violent with a parent is totally disturbing for our generation, sadly not for today's. Ergo, we were not like them before.

Parenting is a skill I think we should all learn FORMALLY. When our kids wreak havoc, it's not like the cops could meddle. Every authority would slap back the responsibility to us parents in case our kids need discipline. The question is--- do you know how to discipline your kids? Do you care to scold them until they cry, or even spank them till they bruise?

It's true that we should not study the best way to hurt people, most especially our own kids. But we also have to question modern theory about always sparing the rod or gentle reprimand, or even plain "letting them be". Being extremely lenient to your kids may be hip to a lot (particularly the ones who experienced childhood cruelty), and using the iron fist may be so last century--- but we've got to balance things out and not tip to one parenting style too much. If you have to pinch, go ahead, that is your kid, and within limits that is still love.

You may not agree with me when I say that kids nowadays could trade their folks for a bag of weed, but I am sure at one point you have heard a nasty story like that. We should rectify it while we can and not wait for the time when the unruly kids we rear would scream back at us, "It's not that you love me too much, it's that YOU were not loved enough. Stupid bitch."

ZZZzzzzzzz

Boo!!!

It's almost Halloween--- kids are scared shitless by the stuff on teevee. Good for them, they laugh after all is done, big or small monster. For us adults, it's a slightly different story. Here are a few things on my Scare List as a 30something mom (not in a particular order):

1. The ELECTRICITY BILL ---------------- for the love of God, we have windmills to remedy this, but who knows how to fucking turn them on, right?

2. Any harm to my kids--------------------- it used to be, "Fuck with anything but my food," and now, just substitute.

3. Not losing weight after giving birth-------- no, it's not vanity. You have to understand that I refuse to continue wearing maternity clothes because I'm no longer preggy; and that even my hubby's clothes DO NOT FIT ME at this point.

4. My Uncle sending me emails reading "if I die on this trip..." before his quarterly vacations to Paris (or anywhere else in Europe)---------this is seriously scary because we haven't made up yet for the decades we've lost. It's scary and sad.

5. And yes, FLYING COCKROACHES. ------ I'm a normal person, you know, It's not just that obvious.

Happy Halloween, everybody.